Ng Tze Long.



That night was a night of cold war, a night full of devasting moments =*(

Right now, I'm asking the helper of sadness to remove all the unexpressed sadness stored in my heart.

As the heart began to appear, I saw cleaners with mops and brooms all over it, inside and out. I zoomed in on something inside, behind bars in a jail-like cell. The helper of sadness totally unable to help. I asked what this was about and I began to see that it was caged in by anger. I could hear that I was not to be angry or express my anger.



I could see that what is blocking the helper of sadness is that I have confused it with the helper of Anger.

All of these were lodged in my heart. I had taken in their anger toward me and put it into my heart. I watched these play out on a screen then turn into doves that were released through my heart out into the sky. They were not my anger in the first place, and I had held onto it, unknowingly, not knowing what to do with it =(

I decided to look for the cleansing helper to continue to clean these obstructions out of my heart. And I wish the next moment to get a helper of transformer to remove the obstacles at the level of consciousness.

It didn't help either. I am so sad people !



I was incredibly sad this morning when I woke up. I did not attend work. It took away all my appetite & morality. Nothing motivated me to get me out of bed though I know we cannot mixed up personal matters with work.

Till den, I realise everything was standing so tall & strong previously all becos of you. Now u're gone, though not far away from me, but I can feel the painfulness & sorrows captured in ur heart. I did not want to hurt u emotionally any further. It's so heart-aching to see u in this state.

You have never been out of my mind, not even a single second.

I'm hugging this toy u bought for me, remembering that u caught it for me & surprisely, u caught 2 without any diffuclties. All the sweet moments throughout our relationships just flashes through.

When I look at the pictures, my heart skips. A lifetime of tears wasted on something I knew I could never have again. My heart was taken by you since 10 months ago.

As part of you has grown in me, together forever shall we be. Never apart maybe in distance, but not in heart. I know we can never go back to our old-self. The sweet-to-be, sweet-always-will-be moments.

Moments when we were giggling all the way makes my heart rip. I know the way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost. I seriously understand all these. Am I not up to ur worthy, boy ?

If this is goodbye, don't come back. If this is the end, please don't wake me up again. You broke me with all ur words & actions. I know I couldn't give u the simplest thing that u wanted & resulted me in breaking ur heart.

This better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. But everything is so unbearable. Am I supposed to just simply give u up like this when I know that I can overcome the phobia ?

But Boy, can u wait for this time to arrive ? U have waited for so long. Am I supposed to continue being so selfish to keep u waiting ?

Time will make you forget me but time will make me love you more than before. I can't erase u off my mind. I told myself that u'll be the last man that I'm gonna love. My heart longs for you & my soul dies for you.

My eyes will always cry for you & my empty arms will always reach out for you like how we were in the picture. You're just so irreplacable.

I hate to see the one I love happy with somebody. But I surely hate it more to see the one I love stays unhappily with me.

I had a dream last night about you. I smiled & recalled the memories we had but to noticed that a tear fell from my eyes.

You Know why ?

Cos in my dream you kissed me and said " Goodbye my precious girl. I can't wait any longer... I know I can find someone better... "

I am never alone when u're with me.

I've convinced everyone else that I don't like you and that I don't want you anymore. Now all I need to do is convince myself. But I can't do it Boy.

Tell me am I so selfish ? Despite all these, remember, I still love u deeply & u still stand a big place in my heart.

Don't bid goodbye to me if u can =( Please ?